While you have ended your relationship with your former spouse officially, your children will still have a relationship with their other parent. Remember, the impact of your separation can be psychologically and emotionally harmful for your children, especially when you say something bad about your ex in front of them. Whatever harsh feelings you may have for your former spouse, you cannot be selfish. Your children will always have a connection with the other parent, it’s about your children, not you.
With that in mind, our family lawyers in Mississauga have compiled a few things that you MUST not say around your kids after divorce.
“Your mother/father is a %@#$%#@%!!”
Never badmouth your child’s other parent. Since your ex will continue to be an important part of your child’s life, saying anything bad about your ex can have a negative impact on them and they might start disrespecting the other parent. This can also create trust issues in the long run.
“I missed you so much when you were with your mother/father”
It is not good to make the child feel guilty for spending some time with your former spouse. Avoid telling them that you miss them or feel alone when they are with their mother or father. This may complicate the relationship of your children with you and your ex. They might get into an uncomfortable situation where they don’t know whether to favor you or the other parent.
“It was not my fault”
Always take responsibility for your actions; instead of justifying your bad behavior, accept it. Denying your actions may damage your credibility with them. This is especially true if you were having an extra-marital affair. Never deny responsibility for your actions as this may create trust issues.
“Marrying your mother/father was the biggest mistake of my life”
Never express your bitterness about your marriage or divorce. If your children constantly hear you complaining how marriage has ruined your life, they may feel like they are a burden. Saying such things will imply that you regret your relationship and your children are the reminder of that regret.
“You’re just like your mother/father.”
Never compare your child to their other parent. Children are very perceptive of parental dispute; they could sense that with such things you are expressing your hatred for the other parent. This will only invoke the memory of the conflict. It will make your children feel worthless and insecure about their future.
“We cannot afford this as your mother/father didn’t pay your expenses of this month.” or “I’m not giving you any money, I have to pay your mother/father child support. Go ask them for it.”
Never let your child feel that they are a burden in your life. Finances are an adult concern, your children don’t need to know about the child support issues between you and your ex. They will feel that they are being selfish for asking for necessities like school books, bus fare, lunch or a new coat. They are surely not an obligation or burden for you, so don’t let them feel so.
Make sure you never say any of these things in front of your children about your former partner. Remember, it’s you who have ended the relationship, but your children still have a relationship with their other parent.
Our family and divorce lawyers in Mississauga can guide you about how to deal with your children after separation or divorce. Contact us today!